Surefire Ways to Escape from Your School

Martin Clancy, Staff Writer

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Attention ACP Knights: are you struggling with senioritis?  Itching for the sweet release of spring break? Tired of doing nothing but homework for days on end?  Well, ACP’s newspaper has just the thing for you.  Here are eight surefire ways to escape the hum drum of school.

 

Crawl Through the Sewer Pipes

The ACP Redemption is a must-watch for 2018.

Looks like a great time!

Get Airlifted off of the Field

While hiring a helicopter pilot to lift you into the sky will most likely thin out your wallet, the reward of instant legend status is more than worth it.

Hop the Fence

Maybe have a friend give you a boost?  Or find a box.

Hide in the Trash and Wait for it to be Picked Up

Almost as disgusting as crawling through a small space filled with human waste. Almost.

Make Yourself Throw Up

Wow, these are all really disgusting, but hey, no pain no gain.

 

And finally, the one to top them all…

 

Might not look like much, but with a little renovation, it could be home sweet home.

Spend all four years of your high school career collecting spoons from the lunchroom, and use them to dig an intricate system of tunnels underneath the school during lunch period, success, and club time.   After you have stored furniture and food (maybe even cable and/or internet) in your underground dwelling, use it as an escape from your torturous existence as a high school student.

There are many flaws with this approach.  First of all, you could just bring a shovel from home to dig, but that wouldn’t be nearly as fun and exciting.  Also, while digging underground you would almost certainly hit a pipe, or two, or ten, which could cause a massive leak and flood your tunnels, the school, and most of the surrounding area.  Yikes!  More questions arise the more you look into the situation: where would you put the excess dirt? How would you enter and exit the tunnels without anyone seeing you?  Ultimately, it would probably be easier to hire that helicopter pilot.

 

If there is one thing to take away from all of this, maybe it’s that you should just stay in school.

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